The Husband’s Responsibilities in Marriage

Love Like the Saviour, Lead Like a Servant

I. Introduction

A. God has designed a divine order of responsibilities in marriage.

1. God has designated the husband as the head of the relationship

Ephesians 5:23 “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.”

2. God has designated the wife as the helper in the relationship.

Genesis 2:18 “And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”

B. God has designed the husband and wife to be interdependent.

1 Corinthians 11:11 “Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither is the woman without the man, in the Lord.”

C. God has designed the husband and wife with equal value.

Galatians 3:28 “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.”

D. God has designed the husband and wife to carry out His design through dependence upon His power.

John 15:5b “…for without me ye can do nothing.”

A husband is to LEAD and to LOVE

II. TWO RESPONSIBILITIES OF THE HUSBAND

A. LOVE like the Saviour

Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”

Agape Love: Unconditional, Unchanging, inexhaustible, generous beyond measure, a love that works for the highest good of the person loved, a love that loves even if the person does not deserve to be loved, a love that loves even if the person is utterly unworthy of being loved.

The standard of the husband’s love is the love of Christ for the Church. The love of Christ for the church can be described in one simple statement: Christ gave Himself for the church. Christ loved the church so much that He gave Himself – sacrificed Himself totally - gave all He was and had for it. This is the love the husband is to have for the wife.

1. Love is seeking God’s best for your wife.

a. Love is based on an act of the will, not on passing feelings.

- Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”

b. Love is given in obedience to Christ, not in response to your wife’s performance.

c. Love is expressed verbally and in actions.

d. Love involves self-denial and sacrificial action.

2. Love’s goal is the building up and enrichment of your wife.

Ephesians 5:28-30 “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it; even as the Lord the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.”

Nourish – means to feed, clothe, nurture, and look after as long as she lives

- Also includes caring for her if you are called to Heaven first.

a. A husband’s love includes nourishing his wife by encouraging and enabling her to grow and develop her gifts and abilities.

b. Love includes discovering her gifts and abilities, dreams, and interests.

3. Love is cherishing your wife by responding to her as a valued gift from God, and honoring her.

1 Peter 3:7 “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.”

Cherish – means to hold ever so dear within the heart, to treat with warmth, tenderness, care, affection, and appreciation.

a. A wife feels cherished when her husband communicates with her.

b. A wife feels cherished when there is romance in the relationship.

c. A wife feels cherished when her husband prays with her and sets a godly example.

B. LEAD like a Servant

1. Leadership in marriage is based on divine placement, not superior abilities.

I Corinthians 11:3 “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God.”

2. Leadership in marriage is based on Christ’s example, not society’s.

Mark 10:42,43 “But Jesus called them to him, and saith unto them, Ye know that they which are accounted to rule over the Gentiles exercise lordship over them; and their great ones exercise authority upon them. But so shall it not be among you: but whosoever will be great among you, shall be your minister.”

3. Leadership includes providing for the material needs of the family.

1 Timothy 5:8 “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”

a. A husband is to care for the needs of his family, especially those of his own household.

b. A husband may need to get more personally involved or sharpen his skills as a money manager.

c. A husband should be willing to sacrifice to allow his wife flexibility in meeting the needs in their home.

4. Leadership involves taking the initiative in meeting other needs of his family.

a. A husband is to initiate resolving differences.

b. A husband is to actively participate in raising children and relating to them.

5. CAUTION: Neglecting or abusing your responsibilities as a husband to love, lead, and care for your wife is taken seriously by God.

Malachi 2:14-15 “Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth.”

NOTE: A husband is never called to force his wife to follow his leadership. Rather, he is challenged to earn this response by being a man of integrity, compassion, and competence. Remember, a leader will love his wife in such a way that she will want to follow him, and the man who truly loves his wife will initiate loving and leading in the relationship.

III. CONCLUSION

A. Will you seek oneness with your wife:

1. By accepting God’s design for marriage.

2. By loving your wife Christ’s way?

3. By accepting responsibility to initiate leading in your marriage?

B. As you seek to understand your wife and attempt to meet her needs in loving ways, you will be able to lead with credibility and integrity and she will feel cared for and honored.

REMINDER: God has designed a husband and a wife to fulfill His design together through dependence upon Him.

Husband’s Responsibilities

Project

Husband, take about 10 minutes to complete Part I of this project, then take about 15 minutes (or however much time is needed) to discuss your answers with your wife. (NOTE: The discussion with your wife will have to be done after the conference, due to time limitations)

PART I

1. What do you believe are your wife’s five greatest needs?

2. What could you do to better meet the needs of your wife (list at least three ways)?

3. What are your five greatest needs?

Complete the following table – Rate each statement by circling the number which best illustrates your agreement:

PART II: Discuss the above together, then pray together briefly, each of you, recommitting your marriage to God and each other in this statement below:

Wife’s Responsibilities

Project

Wife, take about 10 minutes to complete Part I of this project, then take about 15 minutes (or however much time is needed) to discuss your answers with your husband. (NOTE: The discussion with your husband will have to be done after the conference, due to time limitations)

PART I

1. What do you believe are your husband’s five greatest needs?

2. What could you do to better meet the needs of your husband (list at least three ways)?

3. What are your five greatest needs?

Complete the following table – Rate each statement by circling the number which best illustrates your agreement:

PART II: Discuss the above together, then pray together briefly, each of you, recommitting your marriage to God and each other in this statement below: